Maybe it's Karma for all the wrong things I've done to people.

I've already began rebuilding that wall I once had. A wall that separates me from everybody; a wall that will protect them by my negative thoughts and bad actions; a wall that separates me from reality.

I've drowned myself in the dim and lightless life of mine which caused numbness to take over. I'm not sad though, no. I'm not happy either because I feel like I'm lacking or missing something in my life. I'm not quite sure what it is, but I'd rather not go too in depth with it.

I'm content.

For the first time in my life, I'm content. At this moment, I am fine.

It took a very long time for me to finally get things right. The guilt of me pushing people away was far too much for myself to handle. To get over things and to realize it's no longer the same.

I've realized to those who lost me, it's alright. You won't ever find someone as funny as me, nor will you find someone as caring as me. You won't ever find someone as awkward as me, nor will you find someone as loveable as me. You won't ever find someone who will do something really stupid to make you laugh, nor will you find someone... like me. You lost someone who truly cared for you. That is all.

I'm not mad though, okay maybe a bit. It's alright though. You'll find someone even better than me and you'll be happy and life will go on.

But. So will mine, without you. Sad, right?

Things happen, feelings change. It's cool. I'm bound to meet someone someday, too. Until then, this brick wall will be set in place. Nothing can come in, and nothing can get out.

Silent numbing bliss.

I am content. Thank you all that I've lost in 2011. May your life be nothing but blessings and love.